Today....

As I sit here, I can't decide if I should be mad anymore. We have had 5 suicides in this month. 5!!! I guess there is just too much sadness floating around this earth. I can't say that I don't know how they felt. I too have been down that long lonely road. I just never had the guts to follow through with it. It's almost as if you feel empty inside, as if, not a soul in the world cares for you. Nothing can fix your broken heart. I have felt so much sadness/anger today. Good people are gone, and not just this month, we've lost alot of GOOD PEOPLE. And at such young ages. This life is tough, I struggle everyday to get by. But I just look once at that beautiful little girl of mine and remember why I'm here... I've got sooo much to live for! I know these people are in a better place now. But it just breaks my heart that they needed to go so soon. It wasn't time!

Awhile back I decided to get a tattoo along my rib cage, it's a quote that I found and fell in love with... This was shortly after I had been feeling down and didn't think I needed to be here anymore. It goes "Celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing" I had overcome the sadness I was feeling. I was able to wake up and be glad that I was here on earth! It was as if I was given another chance. Something just hit me... I thought to myself, Ya know what I AM LOVED. AND I DO BELONG HERE. Thank god I made it through those hard times, I would of never had McKinley... She is my guardian angel. I know now that if everything falls to shit, I will always have her.. She keeps me alive! And I thank god she came to save me!

TEETH

So for the last week McKinley has been so miserable! She's had the snot nose, she has been fussy. Hasn't eaten like she normally does. Hasn't slept that great!! It's been a real patience test. Barely passed it! LOL I just feel soo bad for her. She is doing ok today. But she still isn't her normal self! But hey we got 4 teeth in! 2 on top and 2 on bottom. She is started crawling on Friday the 13th!! Luckily we had no major accidents... LOL She is crusin everywhere! Trying to pull herself up on things, she'll be walking in no time!!! Crazy to think that my baby is 8 months old already! Here is a pretty cute picture from Dre's wedding! I love my baby girl!

Busy Busy...

So this last weekend we went up camping with our friends. My mom took McKinley Friday night and Jarod's mom took her Saturday night... It was a nice little break, although I missed her the entire time! We went up to Moody, it's the perfect place for camping because your not to far from town, but once you get up there, you feel miles and miles away surrounded by trees. And of course the dang cows. Had one moo right behind my tent early in the morning Saturday! Scared the crap out of me!






Anyways, when we got up there Tammy cooked us an amazing chicken and potatoes dinner! It was yummy! Saturday was tin foil dinners! They were amazing too :) I just love camp fire food!!! There were quite a few of us up camping, it was a good turn out!!! Very mellow! We went on a booze cruise on a few dirt roads, haven't done that in awhile! Talked around the fire for hours... 4-wheeler rides, fishing, it was just an all around good time~

Rally For The Cure

Ok On Tuesday August 10, 2010 we had the Rally For The Cure scramble at the Rigby Golfcourse! It was a huge success! Thanks to my mom and sister... I helped but they did alot! There was a dunk booth, putting contest, and a chipping contest. We also held a huge raffle with tons of awesome prizes. I of course didn't win a damn thing, but it was for a great cause! We made shirts for the tourney! They were super cute!! I guess my mom is going to do it next year and we are going all out!! My Great Grandma Larimer had to have a mastectomy a long time ago, when the surgery to do that sort of thing wasn't as advanced. She never did get an implant and Gramps still loved her no matter what!! He was an amazing man! Anyways, we raised alot of money for the Cure and I would like everyone to know that I did my part for my Grandma!!! Love you!

This summer...

So this last weekend my friend Kaye was married! She looked absolutely beautiful! Her dress was amazing! Everyone seems to be getting married this summer... I wonder when we will actually have our reception. I would like to have one! And I would like to have it this summer. But seriously there is no open spots! I still have a couple more weddings I'm supposed to attend this summer!! I still want to float the river, I want to get our family pictures done.... I need my hair done that's for sure!! Holy Hell what a summer... Going camping this weekend! I hope it doesn't rain! I'm really excited about it!!! Definitely planning a trip to Boise to see Mallorie!!! Oh and the Warrant Concert is this month!! I'm stoked about it!!!

Just today....

So my daughter is almost 8 months old... Don't ya think I should be looking about the same as I did before the pregnancy!?! I cannot for the life of me get rid of the pooch. I haven't really worked out or anything, I'm hoping maybe it will just rid itself. HAHA Ya I wish! But seriously is it bad if I absolutely hate getting dressed every morning! Nothing fits right. I don't feel sexy anymore. I just feel blah. I really don't even feel pretty enough for Jarod most days. I hope I get over this. I'm sure I'm not the only Mom who feels this way.
I'm gonna get my hair done this weekend. I don't really have the money for it, but I don't give a damn, I need a fresh look. I always feel a little better after a haircut and color!!! Jarod is getting his haircut Friday, Thank god! It's getting a bit out of control! I like it long, but I'm sick of finding it everywhere!

Wow, I'm sooo bored today! This working part-time crap sure sucks! I mean I'm happy to spend all day with my daughter, but I get bored pretty easy! She is getting so close to crawling! She scoots, but she scoots backwards. I can't even lay her down anymore without her ending up on the other side of the room!haha My house isn't even baby proofed yet! I need a gate! I wonder if they have rubber corners for our coffee table? It's so crazy to me how big she is getting! She shows me something new about every other day! And she is soo smart! She catches on to things so fast!!! The only problem I'm having now is she still sleeps in her play-yard next to my bed, I can't sleep well when she isn't next to me, plus she rolls all over now, so she is always trying to sleep on her tummy when I put her in the crib! That scares the hell out of me! So I give in every night and let her sleep next to us! I know it's bad, but when I'm ready she can sleep wherever the hell she wants to! :)

Well she is up from her oh so short nap, by the way they are getting shorter and less frequent as she grows! Better go get her!

CABIN!

So this last weekend we took a trip to Driggs. Our friends Chissy and Scott invited us to their cabin. We took McKinley and they took their 3 boys.







It was tons of fun. It was nice to get a break from reality for a couple days. The cabin was off in the woods too so it felt like it was just us. Saturday night was a crazy night, I learned out to play pinochle! Me and Chrissy pretty much kicked butt!! LOL After the kids went down we played a good ol' game of Kings Cup! Chrissy and Scott cooked amazing food for us! She's such a good mommy :) When Sunday rolled around I didn't want to leave. It was almost too good to be true! I love Getaways like these.

Today...

So a friend of mine is moving this weekend to Colorado. I am kind of bummed about it, but it's a good thing for her. I wish I could get the hell out of here... I sure am gonna miss her, but I'm happy for her family. It's about 10:30pm and I'm so flippin bored. The baby and Jarod are both sound asleep. She went down at about 8:00, I'm crossing my fingers that she sleeps through the night! I guess if she does wake up, Jarod gets to wake up with her.. HEHEHEHE On a plus note, I took some very cute pictures of McKinley today.




I cannot wait for tomorrow, we are all headed to Driggs for the weekend with the Anderson family. It should be a good time. I'll post pictures when we get back Sunday!!! Guess I'll go join my family and go to sleep for the night!

The sadness that I feel

Following the Sullenger story, I can't help but feel sad. I didn't even know this little girl and feel as though she was like a daughter to me. Her funeral was yesterday, as much as I wanted to go I didn't have the courage to do it. I had cried all week for her, praying and asking god or whoever was listening to PLEASE let her stay. It makes me wonder why God has to take the young, the ones who weren't even given a chance to live their lives. It doesn't even seem fair to me.

I guess this story hit me so hard because now I too am a parent. I cannot even imagine life without my little girl in it. I feel so much sadness for the parents and grandparents. Going home to an empty house. Not being able to wake up to the smiles in the morning. It just breaks my heart. Preslee Sullenger touched so many people's hearts. She made me appreciate my family even more. I talked to God for the first time... I mean I actually sat down and prayed. I realized that families have to have some kind of higher power to believe in. Without some kind of faith or religion, you have nobody to turn to but yourselves. As I sit outside my house after hearing the news of her passing, I just sobbed. I had a range of emotions flow through me. ANGER, SADNESS, HAPPINESS. I was angry at God for taking her. I was Sad because I didn't think she was supposed to go. Last but not least Happy because after all the other emotions had passed I knew in my heart that she was in a better place, she had two loving parents, she had the love and support of hundreds.. Mostly strangers, And she had God who would show her unconditional love... She went peacefully. Looking up to the sky I noticed it looked different. I couldn't help but think that it was little Preslee Sullenger shining down on earth to let me and others know that she was going to be ok...

McKinley is so smart, she just started doing this last Sunday July 10th.

How it all started :)

It was my senior year of highschool. I was living in Saint Anthony, Id. That year I met Jarod. I knew right then that he was my soul mate. We had met through mutual friends. In fact I'm pretty sure he had a girlfriend at the time. Me and my friends tried like hell to break them up. Eventually it worked :) I remember quite clearly the night we had our first kiss. We had snuck into a half finished house. It was dark outside and it was just us two. I remember both of us being sooo shy, which if you knew us now you'd think different. Anyways as the night progressed I finally had to ask Jarod "Are ya gonna kiss me or what?" It was pretty funny, we have brought it up a few times since then. Later down the road we moved in together. I had never even lived with a boy before. I had no idea they were so messy :) But it was fun and I loved every minute of it. So as time went by we had both made mistakes, broke up, got back together. We cried, we laughed, and even disliked one another numerous times. We had many ups and downs. For 7 years we dated on and off.

Finally on June 12th, 2010 we decided to get married. Second best day of my life. We went to Vegas and had a simple wedding with close friends and family. Wasn't quite my dream wedding, but as long as I was going to be Mrs. Jarod Nef, I didn't care!

Now the Best day of my life and and the day my life officially started was the day I became a mother. On December 14th, 2009 at about 12:20pm my beautiful little girl was brought into this world. Weighing 7lbs 2oz and 19inches in length. She was absolutely perfect! McKinley Lynn Nef had finally came to meet me. And I was in love the second I saw her.
We knew she would be here that Monday, because I was scheduled for a c-section. She had been breech the entire pregnancy. I even had them try to turn her but that was unsuccessful. Might I suggest never having a version done. It was more painful then the actual recovery process. When I found out that I would probably end up having the c-section, I remember crying. I didn't want to be cut open. I wanted to know what it was like to have contractions, to actually go through labor, I wanted to be like the rest of my girlfriends and experience that. The morning of my c-section I remember sitting in the car with Jarod out in the hospital parking lot. I was sooo nervous. I almost didn't want to go in. But finally we made it through the doors. As I lay in the hospital bed IV in and waiting patiently for the Epidural part. I began to cry. I was scared out of my mind to have that needle placed into my back. The anesthesiologist finally showed up and with just me and Jarod in the room, Jarod held me and comforted me as I lay on my side crying. I'll admit it wasn't as bad as I thought, but it sure did hurt. I remember the feeling of my legs going numb and Jarod actually pinching them to see if I could feel it. It was a crazy feeling, I'll tell you what. After a few moments they wheeled me into the operating room. The anesthesiologist poked me with a needle on my stomach and legs. That is what I was told anyway, I couldn't see there was a big blue tarp thing in front of my face. I remember the pressure of them pulling McKinley out. But that is about all I felt. I remember yelling does she have Jarod's nose over and over again. In our ultrasound pics you could see her cute little Jarod nose. I just wanted to make sure she still had the same one I guess. They didn't let me hold her. I was too drugged up to be holding any baby. But they did let me look at her. I guess after that I was wheeled into the other room. I was pretty loopy, I don't think I ever even saw that black tar poop that newborns have. They finally got her checked and brought her into my arms. It was amazing. Jarod looked so proud. It was finally over. My little girl was here!

So that is a summary of my life in a nutshell.... I'll keep you updated on our lives in the near future :)